Times that Kill

These are the lonely times,
the abandoned times,
the honeydew-sweet stinging times.
These are the times that burn,
those gripping times whose iron grasp
squeezes the very marrow out of my hope
and leaves me naked, shivering cold,
frostbitten,
with a deadened smile stapled to my face.

These are the numb times,
the dark times,
the midnights with no lover,
the addict that drains the last drop from my veins
and feeds it to the worms.

These are times that make me loathe
the very substance of happiness:
Beauty, with her hideous transparent skin
that I could peel off in tiny strips,
wrap my inadequate hands around her pretty neck,
and strangle the existence
from that diseased, foul bitch.

These are the times
when I kill myself slowly,
minute by minute,
memory by horrid memory
playing over in my mind;
I am blindfolded yet the pictures flash
by me in full color.
I am only shown the ones that mortify me
to my core:
The lovers I’ve scared away with my inexperience,
those trembling moments when I
become motionless with fear,
the moments when I am at my very ugliest,
naked and open for the world to see into.

These are the times, I fear,
that will be my defeat,
as they slowly eat away at me from the inside out.
Sometimes they are forgiving times, and they show some mercy still -
sometimes they gnaw my flesh from the outside in.

Watch it. Watch it. Watch it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVUecPhQPqY

Obama will be president!

“It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America.” –President Elect Barack Obama

Read the whole transcript from last night’s victory speech here

I am so proud of my country today. I couldn’t be happier that Barack Obama will be our next president. I’ve toiled around all day on what to post here and words just cannot describe the pride I feel for our country and the wealth of hope I have for the next four years. I truly believe that Obama is what America needs right now to heal herself.

I’m sending him a congratulatory card.

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Birthday Girl

As of my birthday yesterday, I am officially a quarter of a century old. The big 2-5. And I can’t stop thinking, holy wowza. How did I get here?

It seems like it’s a million years coming that I am finally in a happy place and have everything I’ve ever wanted. The husband. The picket-fence. The shiny jewelry (he gave me a new ring as a birthday gift and it’s bling-tastic).

I have it all, and I still have my sad days, my cry-days, my punch-you-in-the-face days. But for the most part, I am happy. I am content. I am merely Stormy, with a grin upon her face. A dirty evil grin? Perhaps. But a grin all the same.

We close on my new house on Monday!!!! :)

In the birch forest we sliced the paper bark from the trees,

and took them home to line Easter baskets

I have a novel in my head and it’s been there for years and it’s tearing my pretty scalp-flesh apart trying to escape. But I keep shoving it back in and sewing the wound shut and I go another day without writing it. Another year. Another lifetime.

Its been in my head since age everyage and ever since she died it’s been pounding in my brain HARDER and HARDER and HARDER.

But Nana’s Cabin goes unwritten. And she is dead and I do not honor her. And I am terrible. And I am done.

Ignorance in central Ohio

Photograph courtesy of Patricia Pierce 2008